The Bizarre and Utterly Ridiculous Tale of Bartholomew the Donkey and Reginald the Grasshopper
The tranquil town of Willowbrook stood out with its lush grass according to people who lived there and never left their community. Most people described Bartholomew as a normal gray donkey with obesity issues who always had his large ears tuned to radio broadcasts from passing planes. Despite looking common he believed from the start that he was born to achieve greatness.
His closest cousin Reginald objected strongly to this belief.
Early in the day Reginald balanced on Bartholomew's nose to say "You remain just a donkey, Bartholomew". A plain, ordinary, slightly peculiar-looking donkey. You will never reach greatness in your lifetime according to Reginald.
Bartholomew emitted a strong snort that could have dislodged Reginald from his perch. “Nonsense, my dear bug! I follow my quest need because destiny demands it from me.
Reginald sighed. He had been familiar with Bartholomew for ages and never questioned how the donkey experienced moments of brain fog like a cheese left out in direct sunlight. “Fine,” the grasshopper said. You will encounter destiny's path today.
Bartholomew puffed out his chest. I will establish my fame as a musician today.
Reginald blinked. “A musician?”
“Yes! A singer, to be precise. He will become the best singer history has recorded. Farmers will stop farming to soak up my musical sounds like a shepherd reviews his flock.
Reginald stared at him. Since your tone suffers from goose strangling your vocal cords you sound like a foghorn.
Bartholomew stomped his hoof indignantly. “Ridiculous! People will say I have a heavenly vocal talent.
As far as he knows Reginald has never listened to an angel's voice. The spiritual atmosphere in paradise must be extreme based on how you sound.
Bartholomew scaled a small hill to take his breath before starting. Then, he brayed.
Birds fell from the sky. When the farmer noticed power outages he quickly suspended his daily work and fled. A young one started to weep in one of the community homes.
Reginald winced. “Ah. Yes. Truly angelic.”
Bartholomew beamed. “See? The people are moved!”
“Yes,” Reginald said. “Moved. Mostly in the direction away from you.”
Bartholomew continued moving forward after being unaware of his inadequate audience. The town square demands my special skills. He will show his skills there for everyone to witness.
Reginald joined Bartholomew because he lacked better activities and liked seeing accidents happen.
Bartholomew chose to perform in the village square as soon as he arrived. Everyone in the marketplace paused in their activities to observe the strange behavior from this peculiar donkey. People showed polite applause since they thought it was an artistic act.
Bartholomew blew air through his nostrils with such intensity that it cracked glass panels and scattered hats on the wind.
Pandemonium erupted.
One man fainted. After realizing his grave mistake he quickly tossed his loaf of bread toward the air. The chickens began attacking without obvious reasons.
The crowd urged one person to make the donkey stay silent.
The shocked person announced they could not detect their ears.
The upset mayor arrived with a flushed face and angry attitude in the town square. Why has sound pollution developed as an environmental issue?
Since no one objected to the claim Bartholomew returned the bow. Bartholomew states his claim by saying he is the top singer in every territory.
The mayor blinked. After thinking briefly he ordered his guards to take away the donkey right away.
Two burly men approached. After learning that fate would not treat him favorably Bartolome went on the run.
“Run faster!” Reginald screamed from his back.
“I have the legs of a donkey! This is as fast as it gets!”
The two rode at high speed through town where they toppled barrels while dodging angers villagers then outpaced a crowd of people holding brooms. They stopped running near the country because their breathing was erratic.
“Well,” Reginald wheezed. “That was…something.”
Bartholomew, undeterred as always, nodded. People have not been prepared to handle what I can do.
“Clearly,” Reginald said. The inhabitants of this village now have a wanted poster with your picture.
Bartholomew studied the poorly drawn picture of himself. “They captured my good side.”
Reginald sighed.The starting point of adventure marks the beginning of multiple forthcoming changes.
Bartholomew grinned. Starting tomorrow will become a wisdom seeker.
The grasshopper hid his small grass-strewn palms over his face. “I need a vacation.”
Despite clear evidence of setbacks both animals ignored good advice and had everyone in the region suffer from their stupidity.